i am in a moment in my life where i just don't know what to do. every day. in almost every situation. i am finding that there isn't much that i really know how to do. decisons that i don't know how to make. at least not for myself. things that come up and i don't understand why. and they are way outside my realm of control. because trust me, if i could fix everything in the world... i would.
in a moment of openness... i have cried more in the last two months than i have in the last three years. all in my room, with the door closed and the lights off. sometimes just tender tears streaming down my cheeks. others deep sobbs, the ones where you can barely catch your breath in between. i am learning that these tears are precious to the Lord. my perceptions, many of them still getting broken, thankfully. i used to think that crying, was selfish. oh, but how good it is for the body to drain itself in this way. to allow every emotion to stream out being wiped away by the only one who truly understands anyway.
i absoultely despise being alone. but this time of being here. by myself. without all these things i thought were so important. trying to figure things out. learning to grow and mature. taking on the grace and favor poured out. for this moment in time i am finding that loneliness isn't always so bad. because i am never without "the big man".
